


One Afternoon, in the Fortress of Solitude

by Jude



Category: Superman - Fandom
Genre: Break Up, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-18
Updated: 2009-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-04 13:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jude/pseuds/Jude





	One Afternoon, in the Fortress of Solitude

_LOIS LANE walks into the main hall of the FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE. She nervously strolls among the statues and trophies, poking idly at this or that item. A piece breaks off the exploding Krypton memorial statue thing, and she hurriedly kicks it under a computer console.  
_

_SUPERMAN walks in from the far end of the hall and looks surprised.  
_

SUPERMAN: Lois! How did you get to my (_posing_) FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE?

LOIS: Well, um, it's sort of a long story.

SUPERMAN: I mean, I dug my (_posing_) FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE in the middle of the ARCTIC! Precisely so y-- I mean, the world couldn't find me sometimes, so I could have some alone time.

LOIS: It's not really friendly weather out there, I have to admit.

SUPERMAN: Great Scott! (_posing in Curt Swan-drawn horror_) You don't mean to tell me you WALKED here?

LOIS (_sighing_): Not exactly.

SUPERMAN: And how did you get in past my security system? After all, I built the security system with my (_posing_) super-fast Kryptonian brain. It even makes tea and toast.

LOIS: Er. Right.

SUPERMAN: Well, now that we've got all that out of the way, you obviously came here for something important, Lois. Is it (_posing_) LEX LUTHOR again?

LOIS: Um. No.

SUPERMAN: BRAINIAC?

LOIS: No, no.

SUPERMAN (_wilting visibly_): Parasite? Bizarro? Composite Superman?

LOIS (_perplexed_): Composite Superman?

SUPERMAN (_waving her off_): Sorry, different timeline. It's not any of my major villains then?

LOIS (_shuffling_): Nooo...

SUPERMAN: Then what planetary catastrophe caused you to find my FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE? After you obviously used your Press Pass to hijack a small airplane, fly it here because you were raised in a military family and obviously had the knowledge of how to do so implanted in your brain by the government, and then walked in snowshoes, bundled in an inadequate parka, until you randomly managed to stumble on the hollow mountain in which my FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE is housed?

LOIS (_staring, openmouthed_): ...

SUPERMAN: After which, you evidently hotwired your SUPERMAN SIGNAL DEVICE to emit the correct signals to override my super-security system and even get past the sentinels of the BOTTLE CITY OF KANDOR!

LOIS: Look, Superman, I just needed to tell you something really important. There's no planetary crisis.

SUPERMAN (_wilting more_): Not even a little one? Maybe I could go back in time by flying backward around the Earth?

LOIS (_shaking her head vehemently_): No, no, no. Look, I just wanted to give you back your signal device and stuff because, well, I can't go steady with you anymore.

SUPERMAN (_taking the signal device and looking at her disbelievingly through his spitcurl_): You... you're DUMPING me?

LOIS: Yes. And... well, it's just that it's someone else.

SUPERMAN (_swallowing hard, but looking noble_): Well. Then, obviously, if you're in love with someone else, that's all right then, it makes perfect sense. Who is it, though? Could it be someone... CONTROLLING YOUR MIND?

_WONDER WOMAN steps into the room behind LOIS  
_

WONDER WOMAN: Not unless I've got a new power.

SUPERMAN (_dropping the signal device_): Y-you?

LOIS: That's what I needed to tell you, Superman. Princess Diana here just swept me off my feet. For two decades, I've been utterly celibate because YOU'RE Mister Milk-and-Cookies-must-be-careful-I-could-blow-your-head-off, and who the hell ELSE wants to risk pissing off the Man of Steel? Well, I'll tell you who (_points at WONDER WOMAN_) -- someone who was raised in Lesbian Paradise and KNOWS how to find my clitoris without having a galactic crisis of localized blood pressure!

SUPERMAN (_looking wiltier_): B-but, Lois...

LOIS: Oh, hell, why did I think I needed to do this, anyway? Let's blow this FORTRESS OF ERECTITUDE, Diana, and find a nice little lesbian B&amp;B.

WONDER WOMAN: Okeydoke. (_starts to walk out with arm around Lois's waist_) See you at the next Justice League meeting, Kal-El?

SUPERMAN (_waves wiltily_): Right.

LOIS (_over her shoulder_): Maybe you should unshrink some nice Kryptonian girl from the Bottle City of Kandor?

SUPERMAN (_eyeing Kandor warily_): Right.

WONDER WOMAN (_pokes her head back in and whispers_): I heard a rumor that Robin is back to the short pants outfit.

SUPERMAN (_blinking_): Oh. (_straightening up a bit and looking cheerier_) Oh!

_Exeunt WONDER WOMAN and LOIS LANE from the FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE, arm in arm._


End file.
